The Godspell Audition

The moment has finally arrived- the last musical audition of my high school life. And of course, simply that realization added so much more pressure to how I was feeling and thinking. This is my last chance to do musical theatre before I graduate from VC. So in I went, like so many times before. Well, actually, just once before.

The auditions were backed up for almost half an hour, like I expected - my audition time of 5:25PM was actually backed up all the way to 6:00PM before I got to enter the theatre. But when the person before me was called, a shiver ran through me and my heartbeat accelerated to probably four or five times faster, and every part of me started to shake like crazy. Perhaps the daunting reality of performing "Beautiful City" in a couple minutes was what caused me to be the most nervous. 

Eventually I was called in, with the three teachers (the director, producer and choreographer) seated in the super cool table that was setup in the middle of the theatre seats. The pianist is seated on the stage with the piano and a Godspell sheet music book. Nothing much seemed different than my Grease audition two years back - except obviously, the presence of the piano and the fact that this was the last chance I had to do musical theatre during my time at VC.

I gave my sheets to the pianist, and we worked out some speed and technical things. I know that the pianist will not transpose the song for me. I practiced the song off the Broadway Revival recording, which was a key lower than the music on the sheets. I had found this out only a couple days before the audition, and simply had no choice but to go along with that. A key makes so much difference - from being able to nail the highest note or come off looking foolish and unpracticed. Or unfamiliar with direction. But before I knew it, I was standing on the "X", shaking like crazy, facing the three teachers who would decide if they wanted me or not. I give a nod to the pianist. The music starts.

I count sixteen beats. Then another beat - and soon my voice fills the small, and mostly empty, theatre. The pianist plays the song perfectly, the most perfect I've ever heard it play for me. I sing - and slowly the notes start to climb and I can feel that inevitable note "a ray of hope... one pale thin ray...." coming closer and closer...

And I nail it. I actually nail it. I think. I'm not sure how it happened, but it seemed like such a fast blur to me. Perhaps I started too low and did not fit the key of the piano - which is why I was able to reach it - or maybe I simply mustered up every little ounce of energy in me and let it rip out in that single, high, undefeated note. My voice felt like it was wavering during that note - but it felt good. It felt like accomplishment. It felt like redemption from the audition I gave for Grease two years ago.

I miss the cue into the chorus. Or, perhaps I got it right but hesitated. I eventually get back into the beat and finish the chorus. The teachers are silent. The pianist is silent. And I am asked to give my monologue immediately after.

The monologue I was not worried about. And truly, after the performance of my monologue, I really didn't need to worry. I memorized the monologue and gave it without forgetting any lines. After giving my monologue, the teachers said "good job", and I was allowed to leave: my throat aching and throbbing as I walked out. But satisfied and quite a bit worried, I expressed a "thank you" before leaving.

I am simply quite thankful for the fact that my voice did not give out during the audition. I simply overworked my voice today and when it came time to audition it throbbed and complained. It was definitely not easy - but I'm glad I gave it a shot.

I do not know what the decision is, nor do I know where I stand. I do not know if I did a good job, or if I had failed utterly. A simple "good job" could have been said to anyone - quite frankly, it means nothing. As callbacks begin to be posted this weekend, I simply have to play my favourite game - Wait.  But I am simply so worried and so thankful and so happy and so anxious all at once. I want this so bad.

By now there can really only be three ways to go: I either get a Dance, Music and Cold Read Callback, which puts me in a good position for a role. Or I get a Dance callback, which pretty much slates me into Ensemble or nothing at all, MAYBE pushing my chances of getting a role if I'm good enough. Or I do not get a callback, which ultimately means: end of the line. I do not like to think of the last option, but it is a possibility and a very big possibility, simply because I do not know how well I did in my audition today. Sure, I felt relatively good, but relatively good simply may not be good enough. And with five roles on the line, frankly, there just might not be space for me.