My struggle to discover who I am and what I'm made to do continues to bother me to this day. Time flies so fast and I'm growing up so fast - I don't want to. I'm scared I'm not ready for the harsh realities that continue to bombard me daily.
I'm scared of what's ahead.
Right now I'm just going to share the lyrics to one of my favourite songs ever; it's called "Lament", by one of my favourite singers, Audrey Assad. It's such a beautiful song and I've cried multiple times hearing it because it really accentuates some of the pain I'm feeling. I need God. And I need to stop running from Him. And trust.
"I'm Mary and I'm Martha all at the same time
I'm sitting at His feet yet I'm dying to be recognized
I am a picture of contentment and I am dissatisfied
Why is it easy to work but hard to rest sometimes
Sometimes
Sometimes
I'm restless and I rustle like a thousand tall trees
I'm twisting and I'm turning in an endless daydream
You wrestle me at night and I wake in search of You
Oh but try as I might I just can't catch You
But I want to
Cause I need You
Yeah I need You
I can't catch You
But I want to
Oh how long, how long until I'm home
Cause I'm so tired, so tired of running
Oh how long until You come for me
Cause I'm so tired, so tired of running
Oh how long, how long until I'm home
Cause I'm so tired, so tired of running
Oh how long, how long until You come for me
Cause I'm so tired, so tired of running
Yeah I'm so tired, so tired of running
I'm so tired, so tired of running..."
How long, LORD, do I have to feel this way?
Friday, December 14, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Whatever happens, happens.
Simply because I cannot do anything to change whatever happens with the cast list comes out today, this is what I'm telling myself the entire day today.
Whatever happens, happens.
Yes, I want this so bad. But nothing can change anything at this point if I got something or not.
Whatever happens, happens.
Yes, I want this so bad. But nothing can change anything at this point if I got something or not.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
As you get older...
Like many people, I as a kid always thought that when you grew up everything would be clear, everything would make sense, everything would be laid out and all that's left is a nice, clean, path to walk down until you go home peacefully to God. After all, that's what I saw from all the adults around me. My parents, my relatives. Every time I saw them I remembered that they were always happy and they always seemed... carefree, fun-loving, relaxed. Not a worry in the world.
Obviously I was wrong. Completely, absolutely, totally, wrong. As I am growing up now I'm finding that the more you know, the more you want to know, and the more that worries you. Those simple days worrying if your mom will find out that you broke an expensive toy or didn't finish your dinner, on worrying about if you will miss your favourite TV show or what channels are the best... or worrying about how you'll live without Disney channel are all long gone. Those careless worries, now in perspective, seem minuscule, innocent, playful.
Those worries have been replaced by things much more harder to think about and so much more important. What University do I want to attend? What courses, what programs, what degrees do I want to get? What will get me a job? What will allow me to earn a living and possibly support a family? Am I doing well enough in school or do I need to work harder to get to where I need to go? All these questions are continually swimming around in my mind nowadays. ESPECIALLY what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. My job. To be completely honest, I am completely clueless. But I am expected by everyone around me that I should know. But I don't.
Recently, thoughts of the recent callback I received for my school production of Godspell is also continually breaking me down. Like legit, causing me to cry. Perhaps it's because it means so much to me. Perhaps it's because it's my last year at VC and the main reason that pushed me to attend VC was because of the beautiful drama program I heard about and the theatre. Perhaps I've tried to hard - practicing for two weeks for my first audition , downloading the Broadway album and trying to know all the songs by heart.
Perhaps maybe all these tears are caused by yesterday's events. Because I felt useless, and confused, and hopeless.
Being called back was just completely awesome. I was mentally focused and kept pushing myself to learn the dance routine taught to me. Others thought it was simple. Me, not so much. Being put in a group of my fellow peers, who are all incredibly talented people, being in many musicals, increased the pressure for me, who was merely a beginner. I didn't know musical theatre terminology, I didn't know how anything worked. And I didn't have many people to talk to either. But one thing changed from my Grease callback two years ago to yesterday's Godspell callback. FOCUS. I was yelling at myself. FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS. I thought of being in Godspell as the main motivation for me to keep pushing and to keep trying to do it even though I felt I was struggling and failing to keep time. But I needed to push.
But then I was asked to stay to sing for a role. I almost fainted inside, I was spinning with happiness and thrilled beyond bits. This is it, I told myself. This is my chance. Being called back to sing for a role is an absolute dream come true. I felt so wanted, I felt so happy, I felt so accomplished. But while the rest of the called back auditionees were sitting down, relaxing, talking to each other, laughing, I was shaking. I was nervous and scared I would mess it up. I took up my iPod and ran through all the guy's songs, guessing which one I would have to sing, hearing all of them again and again, just like the night before, making sure I was ready for whatever was coming. I told myself I wouldn't get something like this for a long time, or ever again, for that matter. I had to be ready.
Little did I know that I would never get the chance.
I was called in at the very end, after the other guys have already sang one, or two, or three, or four songs. The girls were practicing with their sheet music.
Walking down the theatre steps for probably the third or fourth time this week with the director, producer, and other staff there, I was shaking. Obviously, I knew I wasn't alone as four other auditionees were still there. Four good auditionees. And I walked in with another grade eleven whom I've met. The last ones.
I was asked to sing just one song. Coincidence or not, it was Beautiful City, the song I auditioned with. After the six, seven, eight bars or so of Beautiful City, I sat down. The pianist asked the director if she wanted anyone to stay. The director asked one person to stay for some more songs. It wasn't me. Which I didn't expect to be asked to stay anyways, but my heart did a little drop.
Afterwards, I don't know what hurt more. Maybe it was the fact that I shouldn't have spent so much time preparing for the songs. Maybe it was the fact that I was called back to sing the same song I sang five days ago. Maybe it was the fact that I never got to sing any new song, or any of the Godspell songs I practiced. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't even considered for a role, and I shouldn't have been called back in the first place. Maybe it's the fact that I knew it was a mistake.
Being called back was a mistake. I don't know what they saw. Whatever they did see, they didn't want to see it again, or they DIDN'T see it again yesterday.
The cast list gets posted tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I want to see what it contains. Maybe because I know what it probably won't contain - my name. I know that they say "it's not over 'til it's over", but I know I don't want to go back and rub more salt in my wound. Maybe this wouldn't have hurt as much if I just got rejected right at the first step. Maybe this wouldn't have hurt as much if it didn't mean so much to me. I could easily say that being in Godspell didn't mean anything to me, but that's a lie. Because it does mean so much to me. Or else I wouldn't have poured so much effort into it.
But I'm not complaining. I know I can't complain to have made it this far. Simply, I acknowledge that often in life you can't get what you want no matter how hard you try. And musical theatre is about talent. It's about fitting the roles. Which I unfortunately didn't.
I found that life is often cruel like that. And not knowing what I even want to do or where I'm headed discourages me even more as I see so many other people apply for what they want, know what they're doing, go off and do it. They live life with such an ease it seems.
It's not something you hear every day, but wouldn't it have been nice to be five years old again. Being delighted at simple things like the sun coming in through the window, watching TV for four or five hours because all your favourite shows were on, or running around until you're dead tired and go in and just sleep. Not to have a care in the world. Not to worry about auditions. About applications. About being rejected.
Wouldn't that have been nice.
Obviously I was wrong. Completely, absolutely, totally, wrong. As I am growing up now I'm finding that the more you know, the more you want to know, and the more that worries you. Those simple days worrying if your mom will find out that you broke an expensive toy or didn't finish your dinner, on worrying about if you will miss your favourite TV show or what channels are the best... or worrying about how you'll live without Disney channel are all long gone. Those careless worries, now in perspective, seem minuscule, innocent, playful.
Those worries have been replaced by things much more harder to think about and so much more important. What University do I want to attend? What courses, what programs, what degrees do I want to get? What will get me a job? What will allow me to earn a living and possibly support a family? Am I doing well enough in school or do I need to work harder to get to where I need to go? All these questions are continually swimming around in my mind nowadays. ESPECIALLY what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. My job. To be completely honest, I am completely clueless. But I am expected by everyone around me that I should know. But I don't.
Recently, thoughts of the recent callback I received for my school production of Godspell is also continually breaking me down. Like legit, causing me to cry. Perhaps it's because it means so much to me. Perhaps it's because it's my last year at VC and the main reason that pushed me to attend VC was because of the beautiful drama program I heard about and the theatre. Perhaps I've tried to hard - practicing for two weeks for my first audition , downloading the Broadway album and trying to know all the songs by heart.
Perhaps maybe all these tears are caused by yesterday's events. Because I felt useless, and confused, and hopeless.
Being called back was just completely awesome. I was mentally focused and kept pushing myself to learn the dance routine taught to me. Others thought it was simple. Me, not so much. Being put in a group of my fellow peers, who are all incredibly talented people, being in many musicals, increased the pressure for me, who was merely a beginner. I didn't know musical theatre terminology, I didn't know how anything worked. And I didn't have many people to talk to either. But one thing changed from my Grease callback two years ago to yesterday's Godspell callback. FOCUS. I was yelling at myself. FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS. I thought of being in Godspell as the main motivation for me to keep pushing and to keep trying to do it even though I felt I was struggling and failing to keep time. But I needed to push.
But then I was asked to stay to sing for a role. I almost fainted inside, I was spinning with happiness and thrilled beyond bits. This is it, I told myself. This is my chance. Being called back to sing for a role is an absolute dream come true. I felt so wanted, I felt so happy, I felt so accomplished. But while the rest of the called back auditionees were sitting down, relaxing, talking to each other, laughing, I was shaking. I was nervous and scared I would mess it up. I took up my iPod and ran through all the guy's songs, guessing which one I would have to sing, hearing all of them again and again, just like the night before, making sure I was ready for whatever was coming. I told myself I wouldn't get something like this for a long time, or ever again, for that matter. I had to be ready.
Little did I know that I would never get the chance.
I was called in at the very end, after the other guys have already sang one, or two, or three, or four songs. The girls were practicing with their sheet music.
Walking down the theatre steps for probably the third or fourth time this week with the director, producer, and other staff there, I was shaking. Obviously, I knew I wasn't alone as four other auditionees were still there. Four good auditionees. And I walked in with another grade eleven whom I've met. The last ones.
I was asked to sing just one song. Coincidence or not, it was Beautiful City, the song I auditioned with. After the six, seven, eight bars or so of Beautiful City, I sat down. The pianist asked the director if she wanted anyone to stay. The director asked one person to stay for some more songs. It wasn't me. Which I didn't expect to be asked to stay anyways, but my heart did a little drop.
Afterwards, I don't know what hurt more. Maybe it was the fact that I shouldn't have spent so much time preparing for the songs. Maybe it was the fact that I was called back to sing the same song I sang five days ago. Maybe it was the fact that I never got to sing any new song, or any of the Godspell songs I practiced. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't even considered for a role, and I shouldn't have been called back in the first place. Maybe it's the fact that I knew it was a mistake.
Being called back was a mistake. I don't know what they saw. Whatever they did see, they didn't want to see it again, or they DIDN'T see it again yesterday.
The cast list gets posted tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I want to see what it contains. Maybe because I know what it probably won't contain - my name. I know that they say "it's not over 'til it's over", but I know I don't want to go back and rub more salt in my wound. Maybe this wouldn't have hurt as much if I just got rejected right at the first step. Maybe this wouldn't have hurt as much if it didn't mean so much to me. I could easily say that being in Godspell didn't mean anything to me, but that's a lie. Because it does mean so much to me. Or else I wouldn't have poured so much effort into it.
But I'm not complaining. I know I can't complain to have made it this far. Simply, I acknowledge that often in life you can't get what you want no matter how hard you try. And musical theatre is about talent. It's about fitting the roles. Which I unfortunately didn't.
I found that life is often cruel like that. And not knowing what I even want to do or where I'm headed discourages me even more as I see so many other people apply for what they want, know what they're doing, go off and do it. They live life with such an ease it seems.
It's not something you hear every day, but wouldn't it have been nice to be five years old again. Being delighted at simple things like the sun coming in through the window, watching TV for four or five hours because all your favourite shows were on, or running around until you're dead tired and go in and just sleep. Not to have a care in the world. Not to worry about auditions. About applications. About being rejected.
Wouldn't that have been nice.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The Godspell Audition
The moment has finally arrived- the last musical audition of my high school life. And of course, simply that realization added so much more pressure to how I was feeling and thinking. This is my last chance to do musical theatre before I graduate from VC. So in I went, like so many times before. Well, actually, just once before.
The auditions were backed up for almost half an hour, like I expected - my audition time of 5:25PM was actually backed up all the way to 6:00PM before I got to enter the theatre. But when the person before me was called, a shiver ran through me and my heartbeat accelerated to probably four or five times faster, and every part of me started to shake like crazy. Perhaps the daunting reality of performing "Beautiful City" in a couple minutes was what caused me to be the most nervous.
Eventually I was called in, with the three teachers (the director, producer and choreographer) seated in the super cool table that was setup in the middle of the theatre seats. The pianist is seated on the stage with the piano and a Godspell sheet music book. Nothing much seemed different than my Grease audition two years back - except obviously, the presence of the piano and the fact that this was the last chance I had to do musical theatre during my time at VC.
I gave my sheets to the pianist, and we worked out some speed and technical things. I know that the pianist will not transpose the song for me. I practiced the song off the Broadway Revival recording, which was a key lower than the music on the sheets. I had found this out only a couple days before the audition, and simply had no choice but to go along with that. A key makes so much difference - from being able to nail the highest note or come off looking foolish and unpracticed. Or unfamiliar with direction. But before I knew it, I was standing on the "X", shaking like crazy, facing the three teachers who would decide if they wanted me or not. I give a nod to the pianist. The music starts.
I count sixteen beats. Then another beat - and soon my voice fills the small, and mostly empty, theatre. The pianist plays the song perfectly, the most perfect I've ever heard it play for me. I sing - and slowly the notes start to climb and I can feel that inevitable note "a ray of hope... one pale thin ray...." coming closer and closer...
And I nail it. I actually nail it. I think. I'm not sure how it happened, but it seemed like such a fast blur to me. Perhaps I started too low and did not fit the key of the piano - which is why I was able to reach it - or maybe I simply mustered up every little ounce of energy in me and let it rip out in that single, high, undefeated note. My voice felt like it was wavering during that note - but it felt good. It felt like accomplishment. It felt like redemption from the audition I gave for Grease two years ago.
I miss the cue into the chorus. Or, perhaps I got it right but hesitated. I eventually get back into the beat and finish the chorus. The teachers are silent. The pianist is silent. And I am asked to give my monologue immediately after.
The monologue I was not worried about. And truly, after the performance of my monologue, I really didn't need to worry. I memorized the monologue and gave it without forgetting any lines. After giving my monologue, the teachers said "good job", and I was allowed to leave: my throat aching and throbbing as I walked out. But satisfied and quite a bit worried, I expressed a "thank you" before leaving.
I am simply quite thankful for the fact that my voice did not give out during the audition. I simply overworked my voice today and when it came time to audition it throbbed and complained. It was definitely not easy - but I'm glad I gave it a shot.
I do not know what the decision is, nor do I know where I stand. I do not know if I did a good job, or if I had failed utterly. A simple "good job" could have been said to anyone - quite frankly, it means nothing. As callbacks begin to be posted this weekend, I simply have to play my favourite game - Wait. But I am simply so worried and so thankful and so happy and so anxious all at once. I want this so bad.
By now there can really only be three ways to go: I either get a Dance, Music and Cold Read Callback, which puts me in a good position for a role. Or I get a Dance callback, which pretty much slates me into Ensemble or nothing at all, MAYBE pushing my chances of getting a role if I'm good enough. Or I do not get a callback, which ultimately means: end of the line. I do not like to think of the last option, but it is a possibility and a very big possibility, simply because I do not know how well I did in my audition today. Sure, I felt relatively good, but relatively good simply may not be good enough. And with five roles on the line, frankly, there just might not be space for me.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Journey to the Godspell Auditions (1 Day Left!)
I can't believe that tomorrow I'll be embarking on VC's Godspell Auditions. It's so incredible and nerve wracking at the same time. Today I asked another one of my friends to play my audition song, "Beautiful City", on the piano and it was depressingly high. Turns out the Broadway Revival version of the song I've been listening to all this time is actually not the version of the song on the music sheets I was given. And that is the most disheartening thing to hear a day before your audition.
I'll be able to sing the song in falsetto, but the desire to be able to sing it in my normal voice is just so much. Sadly, it can't be done and I'm certainly not in a position to be looking foolish in such an important audition.
I'll be able to sing the song in falsetto, but the desire to be able to sing it in my normal voice is just so much. Sadly, it can't be done and I'm certainly not in a position to be looking foolish in such an important audition.
So, I'm sleeping earlier tonight, getting some good rest, and prepping my voice tomorrow to give an audition that's unforgettable. Whether I'll be able to pull it off... only time can tell.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Journey to the Godspell Auditions (3 Days Left)
It's too late for regret now - Godspell is my last chance to be part of a production at VC - and my last chance to perform on that beautiful stage. The stage that I sometimes pass by, or stop by, during my day just to look at the empty seats, to stand on the stage and stare out into the theatre. It's so incredible to hear my own voice ring around the empty room and to imagine what it would be like to have an audience there.
I've been preparing like crazy - yet maybe still not as much as I'd like, but still I've been preparing a lot. I've sung "Beautiful City" until my voice gets hoarse and until I know the song inside out. I've done my monologue silently to myself in class, loudly in class, to my friends, even in the shower. I've watched a ton of videos taken from the Broadway Revival of Godspell. Taking in the energy, taking in the enthusiasm, and ultimately filling myself up with excitement for my audition for this chance to be in this incredible musical. Yes, I've been looking forward to this audition but I'm also incredibly nervous and scared. I'm thinking Godspell every moment of my day, thinking what I can do to make the audition better, more interesting, more comfortable. Thinking what I can do to stand out.
They say three time's the charm right? Three days left when I post this blog post. And this'll be the third time I've auditioned for a production at VC.
In three day's time it'll be decided. If I get a callback, I can continue to dream. But if I do not get a callback, it's pretty much time to say goodbye to musical theatre at VC, although I've never experienced it as that person on the stage. Because no callback pretty much means no role. But let's not think about that.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Journey to the Godspell Auditions (9 Days Left)
This will now be the third time I've auditioned for a play/musical at Vancouver College. For the past five years, I've been auditioning on and off for different things every year and for some reason I just have the weirdest patterns.
The auditions began in grade 8 for We Are His Message. Up to this day I'm still not sure whether this was a talent show, a play, or a musical. But nevertheless, I didn't get accepted, which was a little disappointing for me, but I moved on: It was probably really good though, whatever it was.
Grade 9 came along and they started doing West Side Story. One reason or another I put it off so late that I eventually did not audition. I later saw the musical (two times, in fact) and they did a tremendous job. Then I find myself hating myself for not auditioning because it was such a beautifully, wonderfully done musical.
Grade 10 comes along and I auditioned for Grease, which ultimately I was called back and then did not make the second audition. I did not watch the show (was simply too busy) but ultimately it didn't seem like a musical I could've fit in with a role anyways. But at least I can say I gave it a try.
Grade 11 comes, and another famous musical is going to be VC-transformed: Guys and Dolls. Because of my bad experience the previous year I again chickened out of the auditions, but watched the show twice. And what do you know, it was an amazing show. I remember crying one of the nights after the show because of the thought that I could've done that. I could've been in this amazing musical. But I chickened out and let the nerves get the best of me that I didn't even try.
Grade 12 is finally here and I decided to come to terms with what I want to accomplish before I graduate. I'm already doing Edmundians and Yearbook, my two biggest dreams since grade 8. And I just came off of leading Encounter 64. And now here's the opportunity - another musical being put on this year, Godspell. I told myself "no more chickening out. You have to come to a conclusion." I decided then, in front of the sign up sheet, that I would not graduate without having performed on that beautiful stage. The theatre that pulled me to come to VC in the first place. And if I don't perform on that stage, that I would at least have given it a try. And believe me, I put off signing up till the last minute, until there were no more spots, until I had to beg the director to give me a slot because I basically was putting it off again - what I said I wouldn't do from the very start.
Now I have the date. I have the time. I have the opportunity. This weekend I've been practicing my monologue constantly and belting out my audition song ("Beautiful City" from Godspell). I've been reading audition tips from websites and I've been reading and preparing. I've been calling my friends in advance to help me with some music practice this week. Yes, I still have a week but I need to make sure I am the most prepared I can be.
I won't let this chance slip away from me. Not any longer. I want this too bad.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Stop. Breathe.
The last month since school as school has started was HECTIC. I hit grade 12 running - with everything carried on from grade 11 as well as balancing school. I haven't even started University applications yet and it's about that time...
I'm not saying the workload has lowered because it definitely hasn't. But now that we're all 'settled in' and going at a constant pace, it's time to start breathing again.
-Encounter 64 is in just three weeks. It's an incredible experience to prepare for a VC Encounter, but it's also loads and loads of work. I don't mind the work, it's fun work, but every ounce of my free time is spent on E64, preparing everything, making sure everything is ready. We're far from ready, that's for sure - there's still quite a bit of work to do but now that a big chunk of it is done, there's a little bit of time to breathe.
-Yearbook is kicking off and we're already off to a great start - slow, but great start. And as I said, once the ball is rolling, everything is much easier. Much easier. First deadline is in three weeks though and it's time to hurry.
-Being Edmundian president also requires a lot of organizational skill - and that's been going fine as well.
-University Applications should be started soon. Early application deadlines near - and that's just the start of it.
-Youth Ministry and Liturgy Choir (I got a solo - yippee!!) continue to be on my schedule as well.
And let's not forget school - the last year of high school is important, and once that realization kicks in you just feel so much more pressure. So in the crazy whirlwind of the past five or six weeks I've managed to juggle all of this. Not to brag of course: just that people who were trying to get to talk to me or get me to do other things just couldn't reach me.
But really taking the time out of this crazy whirlwind and just listening to some music, and taking the time to write a blog post, is important. A runner can't run run run run run all the time, they've got to take a break too. And this is a break - I guess this is God's way of saying stop. Breathe. Sometimes when you're caught up with this workload you really forget to do that - and yet that's so important.
So as I continue back into the whirlwind (it will all relatively calm down after Encounter is over - I'm sure of it. I love Encounter, but it's a lot of work), let's not forget to breathe. Let's not forget to just rest sometimes, turn up the radio or open iTunes, and just relax. Because when you're too stressed, you explode. Not literally.
I'm not saying the workload has lowered because it definitely hasn't. But now that we're all 'settled in' and going at a constant pace, it's time to start breathing again.
-Encounter 64 is in just three weeks. It's an incredible experience to prepare for a VC Encounter, but it's also loads and loads of work. I don't mind the work, it's fun work, but every ounce of my free time is spent on E64, preparing everything, making sure everything is ready. We're far from ready, that's for sure - there's still quite a bit of work to do but now that a big chunk of it is done, there's a little bit of time to breathe.
-Yearbook is kicking off and we're already off to a great start - slow, but great start. And as I said, once the ball is rolling, everything is much easier. Much easier. First deadline is in three weeks though and it's time to hurry.
-Being Edmundian president also requires a lot of organizational skill - and that's been going fine as well.
-University Applications should be started soon. Early application deadlines near - and that's just the start of it.
-Youth Ministry and Liturgy Choir (I got a solo - yippee!!) continue to be on my schedule as well.
And let's not forget school - the last year of high school is important, and once that realization kicks in you just feel so much more pressure. So in the crazy whirlwind of the past five or six weeks I've managed to juggle all of this. Not to brag of course: just that people who were trying to get to talk to me or get me to do other things just couldn't reach me.
But really taking the time out of this crazy whirlwind and just listening to some music, and taking the time to write a blog post, is important. A runner can't run run run run run all the time, they've got to take a break too. And this is a break - I guess this is God's way of saying stop. Breathe. Sometimes when you're caught up with this workload you really forget to do that - and yet that's so important.
So as I continue back into the whirlwind (it will all relatively calm down after Encounter is over - I'm sure of it. I love Encounter, but it's a lot of work), let's not forget to breathe. Let's not forget to just rest sometimes, turn up the radio or open iTunes, and just relax. Because when you're too stressed, you explode. Not literally.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Beijing!
Haha, if this was 2008 it would have been awesome. But I'm still really excited, can't wait to head out. I've always wanted to go to Beijing!
Downside is that the entire London 2012 Olympics will take place while I'm away from home, so hopefully there will be some decent coverage in China.
2 more days! Can't wait to see Beijing!
Downside is that the entire London 2012 Olympics will take place while I'm away from home, so hopefully there will be some decent coverage in China.
2 more days! Can't wait to see Beijing!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Thinking of the future... (and my 100th post)
So... yeah, this is my 100th post. Just though I'd throw it out there. I like milestones :)
I attended Vancouver College's Commencement Exercises today (88th one since VC opened... I was paying attention ^^) as the representative of one of the "Big Three" student groups at VC: the Edmundian Association. Attending (and helping at) the Commencement was a big honor, especially as a grade 11 with my fellow Presidents/Execs of the Student Council and the Lettermen Association. So happy for the Class of 2012, what a defining day it must be for them. (I can imagine that I'll probably be very teary-eyed 364 days from now at my own graduation on June 26, 2013). It's a brotherhood, and it's a second family, so it's definitely hard to part.
But helping and watching at the Commencement today really made me think about my own future. In 364 days I'll be walking down that same aisle, sitting on a black chair for around two hours, (hopefully having not too much heat beating down on me while I'm doing so) and throwing my hat up in the air (and catching it, and then putting it right back on because I look terrible with hat hair.) Then, no longer under the wing of VC and my fellow classmates, I will be left on my own to fly, to take on new endeavors. What awaits me beyond VC is still unknown to me, and although I still have a lot of time to think, that time is becoming smaller and slipping away faster than I ever wanted it to be. Back in grade eight I wanted to graduate, but now on the brink of entering my last year, I wish time can slow to a stop. That would allow me to live life a little longer, experience more things, and find out more about myself before the time begins again and I am walking down that aisle. But I guess there's no thrill in life without mystery and experiencing the unknown.
Next year I will be helping with the first Encounter retreat in November (Encounter 64), singing in the Liturgy Choir, co-heading the Yearbook, and of course, now leading the first club that I knew I belonged to when I joined years ago: the Edmundians. All this I'll be balancing with school and Youth Ministry. Capable? Yes. Nervous? Definitely. Ready? Heck yes. I'm excited that I've received so many opportunities already, and hopefully all these opportunities will lead me to discovering my calling and being ready to take those first steps out of VC next year.
Yes, it's still a long time from now, but it's never too late to start thinking.
I attended Vancouver College's Commencement Exercises today (88th one since VC opened... I was paying attention ^^) as the representative of one of the "Big Three" student groups at VC: the Edmundian Association. Attending (and helping at) the Commencement was a big honor, especially as a grade 11 with my fellow Presidents/Execs of the Student Council and the Lettermen Association. So happy for the Class of 2012, what a defining day it must be for them. (I can imagine that I'll probably be very teary-eyed 364 days from now at my own graduation on June 26, 2013). It's a brotherhood, and it's a second family, so it's definitely hard to part.
But helping and watching at the Commencement today really made me think about my own future. In 364 days I'll be walking down that same aisle, sitting on a black chair for around two hours, (hopefully having not too much heat beating down on me while I'm doing so) and throwing my hat up in the air (and catching it, and then putting it right back on because I look terrible with hat hair.) Then, no longer under the wing of VC and my fellow classmates, I will be left on my own to fly, to take on new endeavors. What awaits me beyond VC is still unknown to me, and although I still have a lot of time to think, that time is becoming smaller and slipping away faster than I ever wanted it to be. Back in grade eight I wanted to graduate, but now on the brink of entering my last year, I wish time can slow to a stop. That would allow me to live life a little longer, experience more things, and find out more about myself before the time begins again and I am walking down that aisle. But I guess there's no thrill in life without mystery and experiencing the unknown.
Next year I will be helping with the first Encounter retreat in November (Encounter 64), singing in the Liturgy Choir, co-heading the Yearbook, and of course, now leading the first club that I knew I belonged to when I joined years ago: the Edmundians. All this I'll be balancing with school and Youth Ministry. Capable? Yes. Nervous? Definitely. Ready? Heck yes. I'm excited that I've received so many opportunities already, and hopefully all these opportunities will lead me to discovering my calling and being ready to take those first steps out of VC next year.
Yes, it's still a long time from now, but it's never too late to start thinking.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
A thought...
"They say, give it time, give it time and it will fall in line..."
This is an absolutely beautiful lyric from one of my favourite songs from one of my favourite artists, "My Kind of Perfect" by David Archuleta. I don't know... it just seems like such a comforting thing to hear at this time.
Live in the present. The future will come, the past is gone. Trust.
This is an absolutely beautiful lyric from one of my favourite songs from one of my favourite artists, "My Kind of Perfect" by David Archuleta. I don't know... it just seems like such a comforting thing to hear at this time.
Live in the present. The future will come, the past is gone. Trust.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
The Last Beast
At last I have reached the conclusion of my (OK.. it's three parts now) Exam Week Saga.
Chemistry (nickname Chem - don't forget or it'll get mad) stares at me as it escapes its cage. I take some time to survey the different parts - and scan for potential Achilles' Heels. I stayed up all night the night before trying to conquer it. I didn't sleep much either - hopefully it was all worth it.
The match starts and Chem is fast - but not as fast as me. I manage to strike it a couple times; and as the two hours progress on I learn more and more about my enemy as I develop new strategies.
Finally, a fatal blow sends Chem into a corner of the Stadium, unconscious. Again, the fate of Chem will be revealed to me while the Jury decides, but for now, the Portal is opened at the end of the Stadium and I am allowed to step into the Realm called Summer.
Yeah.. so long story made short, it's summer! =P
Chemistry (nickname Chem - don't forget or it'll get mad) stares at me as it escapes its cage. I take some time to survey the different parts - and scan for potential Achilles' Heels. I stayed up all night the night before trying to conquer it. I didn't sleep much either - hopefully it was all worth it.
The match starts and Chem is fast - but not as fast as me. I manage to strike it a couple times; and as the two hours progress on I learn more and more about my enemy as I develop new strategies.
Finally, a fatal blow sends Chem into a corner of the Stadium, unconscious. Again, the fate of Chem will be revealed to me while the Jury decides, but for now, the Portal is opened at the end of the Stadium and I am allowed to step into the Realm called Summer.
Yeah.. so long story made short, it's summer! =P
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Preparing to tackle the Chem monster...
After my bad experience with the Math 12 beast, I am spending extra time training in my Lair (ie. my room) for tomorrow. I tackle the last beast tomorrow... CHEMISTRY (nickname Chem...). I'm completely worried and nervous, but also, to be honest, I am completely exhausted. Only a couple more hours to go... then I'm hoping for a productive sleep, and then assuming everything goes well, I should be able to leave the Stadium tomorrow in one piece.
So nervous!!
(If you have no idea what I'm talking about... refer to my previous post).
So nervous!!
(If you have no idea what I'm talking about... refer to my previous post).
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The effect four of the five monsters has on me...
Oh, the strength to persevere when you are that close to finishing should be so easy that it propels you to the finish line. But actually, I find that it's quite the opposite during this horrid exam week. Let's use the analogy I've been using this entire past two weeks...
A large, golden stadium lays out in front of me. Five beasts are trapped; ranging in different forms like dragons, bears, and large canines - stand in cages. Every time a beast is released, I have two hours to fight it; then I am not allowed to touch it again. I am allowed to stop fighting the beast after one hour if I feel that it is already injured or dead so it doesn't hurt me.
Day 1 - a canine-ish creature is released. This one's named English. I quickly tackle it and watch it sprawl unconscious after the two hours. It still squirms to this day - I am not sure if it is dead.
Day 2 - two monsters are released today, but not a surprise. The first, a tiny feline-type creature, called French (it likes its alternate name Français much more) I am able to out manoeuvre and kill in one hour and ten minutes. I lose a minuscule amount of points because there was a flaw in the way I tackled it. I'm not complaining.
Then the dragon - one of the biggest beasts in the Stadium get released in the afternoon. This one calls itself Math 12: the twelfth in a long line of monsters that have all been slaughtered. I manage to fight it, but injure myself and fall significantly to knock it down. It was my least successful battle (to date).
Day 3 - today. A large snake like creature, smaller than the dragon - gets released. This one calls itself Physics (it also likes to be called PH11... but that's a mouthful) I spend one hour and fifty five minutes trying to get a hand on it - and manage to - and it lays unconscious on the ground. Its results are to be announced.
Day 4 - the last day. In two days the last of the five creatures will be released. It's name is Chemistry (nickname Chem) - it is not as big as the previous two day's creatures... but still seems daunting. Tomorrow I will train to fight it. If I am able to successfully strangle this monster as well, I will be able to exit the Stadium and enter the Realm that is known as Summer Break.
To be continued...
Anyways, that was a very descriptive analogy of my Exam Week so far. I feel so tired and drained and I feel like I want to give up. (In all honestly, I actually do feel like I have been fighting four monsters right now - any of you ready fantasy novels?) I need to review a lot tomorrow. But the last stretch is so close. So close.
A large, golden stadium lays out in front of me. Five beasts are trapped; ranging in different forms like dragons, bears, and large canines - stand in cages. Every time a beast is released, I have two hours to fight it; then I am not allowed to touch it again. I am allowed to stop fighting the beast after one hour if I feel that it is already injured or dead so it doesn't hurt me.
Day 1 - a canine-ish creature is released. This one's named English. I quickly tackle it and watch it sprawl unconscious after the two hours. It still squirms to this day - I am not sure if it is dead.
Day 2 - two monsters are released today, but not a surprise. The first, a tiny feline-type creature, called French (it likes its alternate name Français much more) I am able to out manoeuvre and kill in one hour and ten minutes. I lose a minuscule amount of points because there was a flaw in the way I tackled it. I'm not complaining.
Then the dragon - one of the biggest beasts in the Stadium get released in the afternoon. This one calls itself Math 12: the twelfth in a long line of monsters that have all been slaughtered. I manage to fight it, but injure myself and fall significantly to knock it down. It was my least successful battle (to date).
Day 3 - today. A large snake like creature, smaller than the dragon - gets released. This one calls itself Physics (it also likes to be called PH11... but that's a mouthful) I spend one hour and fifty five minutes trying to get a hand on it - and manage to - and it lays unconscious on the ground. Its results are to be announced.
Day 4 - the last day. In two days the last of the five creatures will be released. It's name is Chemistry (nickname Chem) - it is not as big as the previous two day's creatures... but still seems daunting. Tomorrow I will train to fight it. If I am able to successfully strangle this monster as well, I will be able to exit the Stadium and enter the Realm that is known as Summer Break.
To be continued...
Anyways, that was a very descriptive analogy of my Exam Week so far. I feel so tired and drained and I feel like I want to give up. (In all honestly, I actually do feel like I have been fighting four monsters right now - any of you ready fantasy novels?) I need to review a lot tomorrow. But the last stretch is so close. So close.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
It's all about procrastinating...
So... I haven't written a blog post in a while.. and actually, coincidentally enough, I've been procrastinating a blog post as well :P
In all seriousness, I'm in the middle of exam week right now, and I've been especially busy these past couple weeks because I've already started a lot of things at school that will be picked up next year. Most of this work includes Yearbook, the Edmundian Association (VC's service group) and even a little Liturgy Choir stuff too. Next year's my Senior Year (do we call it that in Canada? Not sure...) and I want to make it count. I'm looking very forward to it.
But of course, grade twelve comes in one package: and that package includes exams. Yes, I'm not the type to actually prepare weeks in advance for exams. I usually find that if I paid attention in class and did my homework, one day of review (usually the day before) is enough for me to get a decent grade on it.
But how much of a day is a day? One of my largest weaknesses is... of course, PROCRASTINATION. I get easily distracted, and obviously studying isn't as fun as you know... doing other things. YouTube, Facebook, things like that. (Believe me, for January exams, I was stuck watching Ellen all day... and now in June I got caught up watching Pokémon opening videos. They're actually incredibly interesting, as boring as it sounds).
I'm going to insert a Catholic reference here. Doesn't the devil also work by procrastination? Later turns to much later. And then much later turns to never. Procrastination stops us from doing many of the things that we COULD do... if we do it now. And we get more done as well. Being unproductive and wasting time is Satan's way of causing us to not do the things we NEED to do.
So. I have a Physics and Chemistry exam this week that I should start studying for. NOW.
In all seriousness, I'm in the middle of exam week right now, and I've been especially busy these past couple weeks because I've already started a lot of things at school that will be picked up next year. Most of this work includes Yearbook, the Edmundian Association (VC's service group) and even a little Liturgy Choir stuff too. Next year's my Senior Year (do we call it that in Canada? Not sure...) and I want to make it count. I'm looking very forward to it.
But of course, grade twelve comes in one package: and that package includes exams. Yes, I'm not the type to actually prepare weeks in advance for exams. I usually find that if I paid attention in class and did my homework, one day of review (usually the day before) is enough for me to get a decent grade on it.
But how much of a day is a day? One of my largest weaknesses is... of course, PROCRASTINATION. I get easily distracted, and obviously studying isn't as fun as you know... doing other things. YouTube, Facebook, things like that. (Believe me, for January exams, I was stuck watching Ellen all day... and now in June I got caught up watching Pokémon opening videos. They're actually incredibly interesting, as boring as it sounds).
I'm going to insert a Catholic reference here. Doesn't the devil also work by procrastination? Later turns to much later. And then much later turns to never. Procrastination stops us from doing many of the things that we COULD do... if we do it now. And we get more done as well. Being unproductive and wasting time is Satan's way of causing us to not do the things we NEED to do.
So. I have a Physics and Chemistry exam this week that I should start studying for. NOW.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Lent 2012 - Making Sacrifices and Growing Closer to the Lord
Hey everyone! Long time no post... as usual :P
I'd like to take a little more deeper approach to this blog post than usual. As you all know (or not, that's OK ;D) we've been in the Lenten season of the Liturgical Year for a week now. (OK, a little more). How have your sacrifices been working out for you?
This year, I took a double approach to make up for last year's unproductiveness - I gave up secular music and I also gave up Facebook.
This year, I took a double approach to make up for last year's unproductiveness - I gave up secular music and I also gave up Facebook.
For the past week, I've listened to nothing but Matt Maher and Audrey Assad and a couple other CCM (Contemporary Christian Music) artists. It's an amazing experience. Every day in the car ride I felt myself automatically talking to God, speaking to Him through these songs. I can say my prayer life has been increased and I didn't forget to talk to God; like normally as often as I should talk. Well, I seem to talk to Him much more, that's what I meant. Yes, it was challenging. Many times I would find myself extremely tempted to push a button on my iPod that would send me to my favourites playlist. 111 of my favourite songs, all jam-packed into one convenient playlist of approximately three-four hours. I didn't though. That's not what Lent is about.
Lent is about bringing yourself closer to God. It's about thinking to yourself, what do I not need in my life? I want but I don't need? What is hindering or simply just blocking, shading my relationship with God? And sacrificing that in order to bring you closer to the Lord. It's hard. These 40 days are NOT easy, I can tell you that much.
And yes, I gave up Facebook. And if giving up secular music was tough, imagine me, the social butterfly, the one who spends hours on FB daily - giving it up. You're right, it hasn't been easy. Yes, I have been taking "sneak peeks" on Facebook. These past few days I peeked at my messages and my groups, peeking at the kind of things people are sending to me. What if it's urgent? I tell myself. Yes. I'm guilty, haha. My sacrifice of Facebook hasn't been that successful thus far, but I'm praying that it will. (At least I didn't look at any notifications or anywhere past the homepage ;D) Already, I found myself having so much more time to do homework, to write my novel, to release my feelings on the piano for half an hour. I found myself making more time to eat dinner too.
Lent is about bringing yourself closer to God. It's about thinking to yourself, what do I not need in my life? I want but I don't need? What is hindering or simply just blocking, shading my relationship with God? And sacrificing that in order to bring you closer to the Lord. It's hard. These 40 days are NOT easy, I can tell you that much.
And yes, I gave up Facebook. And if giving up secular music was tough, imagine me, the social butterfly, the one who spends hours on FB daily - giving it up. You're right, it hasn't been easy. Yes, I have been taking "sneak peeks" on Facebook. These past few days I peeked at my messages and my groups, peeking at the kind of things people are sending to me. What if it's urgent? I tell myself. Yes. I'm guilty, haha. My sacrifice of Facebook hasn't been that successful thus far, but I'm praying that it will. (At least I didn't look at any notifications or anywhere past the homepage ;D) Already, I found myself having so much more time to do homework, to write my novel, to release my feelings on the piano for half an hour. I found myself making more time to eat dinner too.
Giving up Facebook is hard!!! I have to admit it! My friends are holding me accountable, and I really appreciate them for doing so. Messages like "CHEATER! YOU'RE ON FACEBOOK! (lol)" really motivate me to just get off and stay as loyal as humanly possible to this sacrifice. (I should have clicked "appear offline"... but I do appreciate my friend for doing that). These 40 days are a kind of self-discipline for me. I don't need Facebook. It's useful and it's fun and it's a good time burner, but I don't need it. I am suffering from the lack of Facebook in my life but it's kind of a good suffering. It's an opportunity to grow closer to God. It's an opportunity to talk to Him more than electronically through Facebook friends.
This Lent, I want to challenge myself. These two sacrifices are extremely challenging for me, and I want to make the best out of it. I want to stay as loyal to it as I can. Lent is preparation for Easter, the biggest celebration of the Church. Talking to God and my desire to strengthen my relationship with Him will definitely help me through these 40 days.
I am praying and hoping that each of your sacrifices have been going well and you are getting something out of it; not just giving something up for "the heck of it".
Think this is pain? Try dying on a cross.
LORD, I love You. Help me to love You even more. Amen.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Exams...
Yes, Exam Week is once again among me. (Well... soon). So, studying. I'm intentionally making a sorta blank post to express my nervousness.
Well, looking forward to singing more songs after my exams ;D
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New YouTube channel!
Happy 2012 everyone!
Wow, I haven't posted in a LOOONNNGGGG time. So here we go! What would I post about? Of course my new YouTube channel! Haha. I deleted my account TACevangelist (D,=) and created a new one to signify a new chapter of my life, a new outlook. Well, it's really not that deep actually. My thinking process was more like "I just want a new start on YouTube". And so I did.
You can check out my new YouTube channel at
Yes, I typed this address out a lot lately, so I've pretty much got it memorized ;D
YAY! I'm so excited! If you manage to see this post, I would VERY VERY much appreciate it if you could go to my channel, watch the vids (there are only three right now, haha!) and tell me what you think! And comment! And subscribe! and all that good stuff! Haha. =D
Off to do some Physics homework. Hope I can post on this blog more often!
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